Where life's contradictions get comfortable

I hate it when Arthur comes calling. I really do wish he would do one, just disappear already. Now I know what you think, but this really isn’t me being horrible. I just really wish he would f-off; my God, does he piss me off. He shows his face like he has every right to be here, and in case you are wondering, no, he does not. I don’t see the need or reason for that face to be looking back at me, and for some reason, they all love him. They must do because they knock about wi

The other day my lad was talking to me about his mates starting university and said that sometimes, when people finish, bear in mind they haven’t started yet. That some go on sabbatical for a year or eighteen months. So it has got me thinking. Can I go on a sabbatical? Can I just check out of life for a bit? Sod off around the world, travelling in my van- can you have a sabbatical from your family? Is that even a thing? I looked up a sabbatical definition, and it said that it

Where nothing remarkable happens. No chaos, no chokeholds, nor life controllers - and that is the point. Dear Ordinary Day Oh, how you are missed. I miss your early morning cheer when I wake up, having your rays shining through the gaps in the curtain, welcoming the day. The quiet boil of the kettle whilst I look out of the window, watching the squirrels play. The early morning dew bringing sparkle to an already perfect morning. Instead, I am awoken to grey, heavy clouds roll

Something was always slightly wrong, but perhaps perfection is overrated anyway. We got up in the morning like any other. I came downstairs, Bo put the kettle on, and we sat at the table to drink our morning tea. Ran the water in the sink to wash the pots, I have this terrible habit of leaving them until the next morning; by the time we have finished dinner and I have done a million other things, I just can’t be bothered. So I don’t. I washed the pots, went upstairs to get dr

Those weeks when even basic decisions feel like advanced project management. That’s it; I have decided that I am incapable of thinking for myself. Well, at least I don’t want to. Why do we always have decisions to make? I don’t want them anymore. Can’t someone just come in and make all the decisions for me? I am having an indecision day. What do I eat for dinner? I don’t know, anything. How about just putting a plate in front of me and telling me to eat it. This I could see w

When the weather changes your plans for the better. Not dramatically. Just enough to make you realise how much life can be negotiated with clouds and laughter. Bo and I had been together for quite a while before he met the kids, and after many conversations, we still couldn’t decide the best way to introduce him, so we decided not to. When they got up in the morning, he was at the cooker making bacon sandwiches for This delicious sandwich, packed with layers of bacon and savo

It’s official: I have hit that age where I now say I remember when… I remember when the cinema was cheap. That’s certainly changed; £93.00 it cost us for four people. Well, that certainly has not happened again. Popcorn ready and camera rolling—a perfect setup for cinematic excitement! We decided to go to the cinema to watch Avatar: The Way of Water; I had waited years for this. The first Avatar I absolutely loved; it was amazing- just everything about it. It had action, the

Do you ever get those days when you wake up and, without even realising, everyone is getting it? You get in the car, or in my case the van and all of a sudden you develop a lead foot. Normally you drive really carefully, watch your speed and drive like the little old lady that you quite often feel like when you first get up. Well, how you imagine you would drive if you were a little old lady because in reality, those grey-haired ladies are something else entirely. They are fa

The hardest question of the day… What do I cook for dinner today? It’s like being a contestant on a game show, but instead of winning a fabulous prize, you’re just trying to avoid another round of cereal and milk. At times it seems like every time I decide, the freezer is against me. Let's have spaghetti bolognese, no mince, or another favourite, palm chicken; guess what, no chicken. It’s always when I finish late; what is that about? When I have all the time in the world, I

A newborn baby shouldn’t be able to move that much, and they can't, until water touches them. They turn into these well-oiled escape artists who want to ensure you practice your grip.

So today was an epic fail. Got up this morning in an amazing mood, had a right laugh at 6 am, went to work and then within an hour and a half I had had a fag, I was on day 47. The worst part is that I didn't even have it because I really craved one; it was the habit that I craved. I craved the escape smoking gives you when you take yourself out of a situation to settle your inner rage. Gutted. I have been using the Nicorette inhalers because I really don’t like chewing gum or

Feeling like the world's first cloned sheep, this fluffy icon stares into the distance, embodying the essence of being a pioneer in your mum's cloning. That moment when you realise that you have turned into your mother. You never meant to and you cant pinpoint the exact moment that it happened. You just know that it has happened. You are your mother. Once the realisation hits, first you don’t know how to feel, then you experience the devastation followed by disappointment and

So I brought an exercise bike with the greatest intentions, a good one as well, within budget. I read so many reviews on Amazon. The intention was to go on it four times a week for about 30 to 45 minutes, then do a bit of floor work (don’t really know what this is but that’s what the internet said) and stretching. I did go on it. Do you know how hard it actually is to cook dinner whilst cycling, running between potatoes that are boiling over and the bike so the timer doesn’t

I creep around the bed and try to slide in without waking him. He jumps up, all confused, “What are you doing?” A cosy cat blissfully snoozes under soft, white blankets, epitomising his comfort and tranquillity. “I’m just getting in bed.” “Ok, can you do it…” and he is asleep, mid-sentence, asshole.

The deal is, if they do this, they don’t have to pay board. If they don’t, they will pay board, and the amount’s going to hurt.

Have you ever been unsure whether you just like to complain or if you genuinely have a reason? In the house, I do the majority of things like cooking and cleaning; I have never particularly minded, but just recently it is really beginning to irritate me. I live with three grown-ass adults, so why am I the only one who sees things? I hate washing the pots at night time. By the time we have got home from work, caught up on all of our days, had dinner, the last thing I want to d