When Self-Help Says No

Am I looking after myself?

Now, is this a trick question?

I know it isn’t a trick, but it feels like one because self help says no.

Do you answer this honestly from the bottom of your heart, or are we answering the question from the truth or our truth? Because all are very valid answers.

The short answer is Yes and No (the walking contradiction strikes again). I have given up smoking, so that is a plus, and might I add, at one of the most difficult times in my life, but I am on day 38 and doing well. I stopped smoking, not necessarily through wanting to; I really enjoyed smoking but felt like my heart had issues, although this could have been down to anxiety, still yet to get that checked at the doctor's but after the year I have had, do I need any more bad news in my life? The answer was a big no. Plus, doctor's appointments are like gold dust; now you see it, now you don’t. Those of you who collect the four-leaf clovers just to build up your luck to be able to get the receptionist to answer, only to be told at 8.05 we have no more appointments- bear in mind the phone line doesn’t open until 8 am. I tried that a few times but luck was not on my side. On a good note, my heart and breathing do seem to have improved since stopping.

A vibrant and nutritious salad featuring avocado, cherry tomatoes, chickpeas, roasted sweet potatoes, colourful radishes, and fresh greens, all drizzled with a creamy dressing.

I am eating healthy; this one, to be fair, I have never been too bad at. I might binge occasionally, depending on the time of the month; I wish I didn’t like chocolate as this is my nemesis, but overall, I’m not too bad at portion control and what goes on my plate. I do genuinely like granola and yoghurt for breakfast or a good homemade smoothie, a nice salad for lunch, and you can’t beat meat and veg for dinner. Could I do better with my food? Yes, probably, but do you know what you also have to enjoy what you eat and find a balance without extremism. This I am ok at if chocolate isn’t involved, then I turn into a swarm of locusts that only has one member.

I work in an office, so my exercise and fitness are not good. I have started to exercise more and am trying to gradually build my fitness up, so that is a start at least. I struggle to find the time to get to the gym; I really don’t want to get up any earlier than 6 am, and I like getting home after work, having a cup of tea and a catch-up. My fella never lets me make my own tea; this is one of his things. He always makes my morning cup of tea and when I get home from work, it can be a nightmare if he finishes after me, then I really am clock-watching. I made my own in the morning once (I got up early); he jumped up (he was eating his breakfast), started running towards the kitchen shouting “what are you doing?” Well, did about five fast steps; our house isn’t really big enough that you can actually run from one room to the next and consider it running. I start freaking out, looking around for the fire, flailing my arms about, unsure of what is happening, its 5.30am, I have just opened my eyes. He stops, looks at me as if to say, what the hell are you jumping about for and says all calm, “I haven’t made your tea yet. Go sit down, I’ll bring it over.” Really… So now those two cups, he makes.

Will (motivation) popped his head up to say, “You can do this”

Pushing through the burn: navigating your challenging cycling journey.

So I brought an exercise bike with the greatest intentions, a good one as well, within budget. I read so many reviews on Amazon. The intention was to go on it four times a week for about 30 to 45 minutes, then do a bit of floor work (don’t really know what this is but that’s what the internet said) and stretching. I did go on it. Do you know how hard it actually is to cook dinner whilst cycling, running between potatoes that are boiling over and the bike so the timer doesn’t go off because then it will only show you did 1km instead of 5km. My daughter came in and saw me on the bike, was like, wow go you, you are doing really well, how long have you done? I look at her, sweaty, red-faced, panting, can’t breathe, legs going what feels like 100 mph, and say 10 minutes and realise I still have another 20 minutes to go. I really need to work on this warm-up and pace yourself thing. Well, that lasted about two weeks; now I sit there eating a Mars bar whilst looking at the bike/clothes line wondering when the best time to go on it will be. I’m still yet to decide.

Mental health, well that is a whole new conversation.

The current mindset… I would go with jumbled.

I am a big believer in mindset, and the mind is the most powerful tool we have.

Sometimes trying to get the mind on board is a whole other story though.

Bathed in the golden glow of sunrise, a misty valley stretches out under the vast sky, inviting moments of deep contemplation.

I feel very indecisive, which is not a good thing right now. Being indecisive over what we want for dinner is one thing, but do I quit my job, should we sell up and leave, do my kids need their own place, what do we do with life now- these are not good things to have running through your head right now. So my current mindset is probably a mess that should not be answered right now and certainly not acted upon. Note to self: must remember that last part.

So I think really the best thing to do right now is to leave the mindset where it is.

Concentrate on what you can control (not much),

And go for a walk/hike until your legs ache so much that you have something else to think about (aching legs), therefore also improving the much-needed fitness levels.

Win, win.