Have you ever woken up in the morning and thought, what the hell am I doing? I turned forty expecting to feel settled. Instead, I woke up wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. The strange thing is... nothing is actually wrong. My kids are doing well. My house is paid off. I have a partner who loves me. I earn decent money. So why does it feel like I'm quietly falling apart?

I I had a thought this morning. There are so many things that I want to do. It makes me wonder if I will have time to do any of them. I have been thinking about starting a podcast. I have started to write. I am writing a blog - well, attempting to. I want to write a book. I have a few ideas for completely different storylines that no way can merge into one book, so I don’t actually know right now if that will ever come to fruition, as I can’t pin down one idea. I have thought

I received a text in the middle of the night with an unnecessary sarcastic comment that I really didn’t appreciate waking up to. So all I can think right now is that Adira can do one. I have the most unnatural and unhealthy thought process right now. It is so confusing; basically, for the past ten months, I have been put in positions by Delilah (sister), Eris (Mum) and Adira (Stepdad) that I really do not appreciate. I want to destroy everything and everyone, but I want to ho

Do you ever get up in the morning and think, why am I so angry? Today is going to be one of those days where nothing is right, everything is wrong, and the stupidest of things are going to irritate you beyond belief for no apparent reason. Why this happens, I really don’t know. I would love to know, more than anything, to be able to stop it from happening. I reckon if you could write a how-to guide that actually stopped this, you would make a killing. Not a twelve-step guide

Am I wrong? A random rant about what seemingly is an innocent invitation but is also so much more. So I have been invited to a birthday party, which is really nice and thoughtful, until you realise who invited me…

When we first got together, he would randomly buy me flowers. He would come home from work with a small bouquet, give me a kiss and say, Hi, how’s your day been? That’s it, nothing more. Do you know how much this can freak a girl out (it shouldn’t, but it did). I took the flowers with one eyebrow raised, thinking, what's happened? What has he done? What’s the catch? There is always a catch. I can’t question him, because then I will just come across as a weirdo, so I find the

When I think about it, I have achieved a fair few personal goals. Goal: To buy my first house. A tarantula embodying the mysterious allure when spiders connect with the depths of your soul. I always said that I wanted to buy my first house before I was thirty. I achieved this when I was twenty-nine without even meaning to. You will see this is a recurring theme in my life. So I had been saving money for a deposit for years and had gotten a decent amount saved, but still felt

Firstly, a bit about me I'm forty, constantly overthinking life and apparently incapable of sitting still. I've raised two amazing children, become a granny, paid off my mortgage, quit smoking, survived more than I'd ever expected to and somehow still wake up wondering what the hell I'm doing. Finding strength and nourishment in the beauty of the present moment. This isn't a self-help website. I'm not a therapist. I'm just someone trying to make sense of life after spending t