Where life's contradictions get comfortable

Do you ever get those days when you wake up and, without even realising, everyone is getting it? You get in the car, or in my case the van and all of a sudden you develop a lead foot. Normally you drive really carefully, watch your speed and drive like the little old lady that you quite often feel like when you first get up. Well, how you imagine you would drive if you were a little old lady because in reality, those grey-haired ladies are something else entirely. They are fa

When we first got together, he would randomly buy me flowers. He would come home from work with a small bouquet, give me a kiss and say, Hi, how’s your day been? That’s it, nothing more. Do you know how much this can freak a girl out (it shouldn’t, but it did). I took the flowers with one eyebrow raised, thinking, what's happened? What has he done? What’s the catch? There is always a catch. I can’t question him, because then I will just come across as a weirdo, so I find the

When we went on our next camping trip, we had acquired a few more items for the luxury tent, although he might say slumming tent after last time. We started to pack up the car with the essentials I packed what I considered essential camping equipment… Tent – obvious first choice. Peaceful outdoor cooking with basic camping gear: a portable stove sizzles with chicken while noodles and fresh veggies await on the grassy setting. Ideal simplicity for a nature getaway. Coolbox and

I am now trying to navigate how much change is actually needed in my life to find peace again. How much I need to change to be able to get up in the morning without my first thought being either anger, defeat, surrender or grief.

When I think about it, I have achieved a fair few personal goals. Goal: To buy my first house. A tarantula embodying the mysterious allure when spiders connect with the depths of your soul. I always said that I wanted to buy my first house before I was thirty. I achieved this when I was twenty-nine without even meaning to. You will see this is a recurring theme in my life. So I had been saving money for a deposit for years and had gotten a decent amount saved, but still felt

Feeling like the world's first cloned sheep, this fluffy icon stares into the distance, embodying the essence of being a pioneer in your mum's cloning. That moment when you realise that you have turned into your mother. You never meant to and you cant pinpoint the exact moment that it happened. You just know that it has happened. You are your mother. Once the realisation hits, first you don’t know how to feel, then you experience the devastation followed by disappointment and

“I had to fight off the cockroach; it was huge. Its creepy little antennae were waving about trying to find my big toe so it could eat it. You know I hate cockroaches; I can cope with most things, but cockroaches, I just can't. As soon as I noticed it, the soap went in my eyes. I tried to jump away; my ass hit the side of the cubicle, knocked me forward, I fell onto my knees, and now I don’t know where the bloody thing is.

Firstly, a bit about me I'm forty, constantly overthinking life and apparently incapable of sitting still. I've raised two amazing children, become a granny, paid off my mortgage, quit smoking, survived more than I'd ever expected to and somehow still wake up wondering what the hell I'm doing. Finding strength and nourishment in the beauty of the present moment. This isn't a self-help website. I'm not a therapist. I'm just someone trying to make sense of life after spending t

Do I really still want to chase things? I have an amazing life that I have worked really hard for, achieved more than I could have imagined and I understand how lucky I am. The problem is, there is nothing wrong; make that make sense. It’s not like I want problems, because believe me I don’t. I don’t really know what I want. I am comfortable… and completely lost. I have a good life, but if I want to scream. I am tired of fighting, but if I don’t have that, who am I, and what

Have you ever woken up in the morning and thought, what the hell am I doing? I turned forty expecting to feel settled. Instead, I woke up wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. The strange thing is... nothing is actually wrong. My kids are doing well. My house is paid off. I have a partner who loves me. I earn decent money. So why does it feel like I'm quietly falling apart?