I Achieved My Goals. It Was Surprisingly Underwhelming.

When I think about it, I have achieved a fair few personal goals.

Goal: To buy my first house.

A tarantula embodying the mysterious allure when spiders connect with the depths of your soul.

I always said that I wanted to buy my first house before I was thirty. I achieved this when I was twenty-nine without even meaning to. You will see this is a recurring theme in my life. So I had been saving money for a deposit for years and had gotten a decent amount saved, but still felt like it wasn’t enough. I thought I would still struggle to get a mortgage, because it’s all right everyone saying you only need a 10% deposit, but if you can only borrow a certain amount, you need the rest. 

I regularly look at houses for sale; it is one of those things I do enjoy and still do now. Won't buy one but like to look. One day I saw the house; the garden was amazing, ridiculously overgrown, but so much potential. The house looked old; the render was falling off, and the bedrooms were small, but there were three, but the garden was amazing- nothing special, overgrown, but was everything. It was a Sunday morning. I went round my older sister's house (she lived next door) to show her the pictures on the internet, and she simply said, all excited, " Phone them.” So I did. They will never answer on a Sunday. Which estate agent is open on a Sunday? Then they answered the phone. I was like “Hi, erm, well, erm, I have seen a house on your website.” She said, " Which one” so I told her, and she asked “do you want to arrange a viewing,” so I said, " Yes.” Next thing you know, I'm viewing the house. I hated it, loved the garden but hated the house. I had never viewed a house before. I went home and cried. What should I do, buy the house or not? Am I even in a position to buy a house? Now I am a big one for signs, and everything happens for a reason. I asked the universe to show me a sign, and a spider nearly dropped on my head. I could have died. I really don’t like spiders; three times I asked, and the same thing happened, different spider, obviously. So I bought the house. One of the best things I ever did.

A whimsical outdoor shelter named "Tin Town," offering the ultimate mortgage-free living experience amidst nature.

Goal: To pay off the mortgage

I managed to pay it off in 10 years with overpayments and major budgeting, which was hard going. I know this sounds so wrong, and everyone tells you how amazing it is once you have paid it off, but it was definitely anticlimactic. I don’t know what I was expecting. I knew you wouldn’t literally get fireworks, although I did expect something. The day came to make the last payment. I got up early, all excited, logged on to the bank and made the final payment. The money left the bank; the bank said they had received it and that’s it. They asked if I wanted a receipt; obviously I do for this momentous occasion. So that was that: I got an email receipt, and the mortgage was paid off, granted I have increased our savings slightly, but overall, our lives still look the same as before. We don’t have the same pressure, but not the huge noticeable difference I was expecting.

Goal: To drive

I finally passed my driving test, best thing ever. This one did change my life. I passed my test after I had the kids, so I had many years of day trips to the supermarket of all places. Doing the shopping was never a quick hour; by the time we had walked down there, done the shopping, piled the pushchair and buggy board up and walked back, the day had gone. The kids were never allowed out of the pushchair once the shopping was on it; I needed the weight in the front to stop it from tipping. I even took little games with me to keep them amused once the shopping was on, so they didn’t want to get out until we were home. And if I had to go down any curbs, well, that was a whole new ball game. It took me three times to pass, but once I did, shopping trips became the thing that dreams are made of; we even managed multiple shops in one day. It was the small things that made the biggest difference, not the days out or going to the beach. It was nipping to Matalan after school for some new school trousers because they had come home knee-less and not having to plan a whole day around doing it. Because of this, the first thing I got the kids to do once they became old enough was learn to drive.

The goals you never realised were goals; these are usually the most meaningful and stand above all others. Ones you never imagined to be a thing, but are normally the biggest and most needed.

Goal: To be content with a partner.

I never realised how much it would mean to me to have a partner who genuinely makes me happy. I have always seen a relationship as two people who love each other, live together and help one another, although I never truly realised what this meant. I finally understand when someone says they are my world, not because I need him but because I want him. There’s a big difference. We are complete opposites, like a battery; one doesn’t work without the other connection. I think that sums us up perfectly.

Embracing serenity at dusk, finding courage in the quiet beauty of a sunset lake.

Goal: To not be afraid.

My partner taught me this.

He didn’t even realise.

Hell, I didn’t even realise how afraid I was.

After a while, I realised I had been afraid of everything. I had fought for so long for so many different reasons; I didn’t know how not to. I was scared of failing, of failing my kids, of something happening to them and not being able to protect them. I got a dog in case someone broke into the house, just so it would give me enough time to get to the kids. I lived in a nice area. That feeling was so overwhelming; it still takes my breath away to think of that time. I had to be the best that I could be; I had to make sure everyone around me was ok. I had my little sister living with me, and looking after a rebellious teen at twenty-four can be challenging, to say the least. But now I don’t need to be scared anymore. It took a lot of time and patience, especially when you don’t think there is anything wrong, but I got there.

Goal: For the kids to be doing well

 Everyone wants their kids to do well, but it isn’t really until you see them there that you realise how much you wanted this and how proud it makes you. You realise that any struggle you experienced and all you did was worth it. My youngest managed to get onto an apprenticeship that will set him up for life. He has his motorbike, which he has decided to keep even after getting his car and is now doing his bike licence. We got him the motorbike as he needed transport to get to his apprenticeship. He really wasn’t into bikes but has decided he likes to ride it occasionally in the summer, so he is keeping both. He plays golf occasionally, goes go-karting with his friends from work and enjoys hiking. He sometimes goes on a lads' night out, although he prearranges for one of us to pick him up around ten or eleven to come home. What more can I ask for? He isn’t in the wrong crowd and wants to do well at his job whilst making memories.

A vibrant peacock feather showcases its rich colors and intricate patterns, epitomizing the phrase "proud as a peacock" with its regal beauty.

My eldest is a single mum, with an amazing little one. We thought she was getting the whole picket fence, but it didn’t turn out that way, and that’s ok. She tries her hardest and is starting college in September to better both their lives. She doesn’t sit there feeling sorry for herself, moaning about how life is hard and not what she expected; she is actively trying to change her situation, and this makes me proud. Some might say she ruined her life by having a child young, but I really don’t see it. As wrong as it is to say, if you are at the bottom, her only way is up. And she is rising fast, so good for her.

I am so proud of both my kids for very different reasons, and credit where credit is due; I did a great job in raising them.