Learning To Stop Fighting Normal - Relationship Goals

When we first got together, he would randomly buy me flowers. He would come home from work with a small bouquet, give me a kiss and say, Hi, how’s your day been? That’s it, nothing more. Do you know how much this can freak a girl out (it shouldn’t, but it did). I took the flowers with one eyebrow raised, thinking, what's happened? What has he done? What’s the catch? There is always a catch. I can’t question him, because then I will just come across as a weirdo, so I find the vase (I did have one, as I do like flowers and sometimes brought them for myself) and put them in water, all whilst trying to conjure up a reason for him to get me flowers. This one is really going to hurt in some way because they are really nice flowers. I try and go about my evening as normal but can’t help but keep sneakily glancing at him in wonder. Eventually I give in and ask. So, internally fighting against putting my hands on my hips, I turn to him. Why did you buy me flowers? He replies, I put petrol in my car on the way home from work, saw the flowers and thought of you. That’s it, that’s all he said, nothing untoward at all. Yes, he did look at me strangely whilst I asked, as it was a few hours later and my face was probably saying, I’m going to catch you out now, but that was it. No big reveal, nothing, just normal.

One of the hardest things to wrap my head around was how to stop fighting normal.

Oh, the Joys of Grocery Shopping. A full cart highlights moments like realising you forgot the essential ingredient. Navigating crowds while recalling if you needed milk or just a snack—what a time to be alive!

I would ask him, can we go shopping? There was nothing in the cupboards, and I really needed to go to the supermarket. He had come round to see me, and all I wanted to do was jobs, not even good jobs, but boring ones. He would reply, yes ok. No issue, and want nothing in return. He was just happy to do normal mundane things because we did them together.

That was strange to me.

We would sit and chat for hours into the night about nothing. No particular topic, just talking about random things; I can’t even say it was particularly about getting to know one another, but also that is exactly what it was. I had never done this before. Even now, looking back, this was a really hard and emotional time for me, especially when I was on my own and had time to think. But it was also one of the most rewarding times; I felt seen. Not for any reason; he didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. He just let me be me. He didn’t see the person I tried to be daily; he saw me.

That is magical.

Couples enjoying a playful day of bubble soccer, capturing the essence of fun and teamwork as relationship goals in the great outdoors.

He made me laugh, and I don’t mean a slight chuckle or a smile with slight noise and bobbing shoulders. I mean a full-on belly laugh where you bend over holding your stomach because it hurts so much. I mean, if he doesn’t stop now, I might actually pee my pants laughing. I can't even tell you how he did it or what made me laugh so much; it was just pure. He would tell stories of his day and turn it into a sarcastic soap opera where you could picture it all, and you just wanted to hear the next part.

He has this knack for being a genuinely funny storyteller.

I have never really thought about what it means to be in a relationship before. I have been in relationships but never really thought about what that actually means. I think the majority of the time, relationships start with lust (I know ours did) and then go from there. You see something that you like, then get to know the person and hopefully like what you find, bad habits and all. But sometimes, when you don’t like what you see, you are already in too deep and can’t see a way out, happened previously. Well, my other half struggles to see crumbs on the kitchen side after he has his bread and butter after every meal, really doesn’t know what coat hangers are for, and I often don’t think he was ever introduced to a wardrobe. But whatever I ask is never a problem; he may moan sometimes, but still, who doesn’t, and I can ask for a lot. He makes me laugh, smile and puts us in our own little bubble where we are stress-free with no problems; they normally come from ‘outside influences’, so to speak. I finally understand what it means for someone to be your world.

I want him. I don’t need him.

Beneath the embracing canopy of trees, a secluded picnic table awaits, offering a serene setting for intimate moments and heartfelt conversations amidst nature's beauty.

To want someone for no other reason than because they are them is a concept that can be hard to fathom. To need someone is easy; there are so many reasons to need someone: kids, health, location, fear, money, stuck, don’t see another way, there are all manner of reasons to stay with someone, some good and some not so much. To want someone is like finding your own free will all over again, to have no expectation and just be together. To find your person can be hard, but once you have them, hold on and never take them for granted. Find your battery, the connection that doesn’t work without the other.

Now this feels like it is getting all heavy.

Let’s lighten the mood.

We have always said we would never lie to one another and if you might not like the answer, don’t ask the question. We always used to ask one another are you happy? Notice how I said used to. So one night in the early days we were lying in bed and I asked him, “are you happy?” He replied, “No.” Taken back, I thought clearly, he doesn’t understand my question, I was expecting yes course I am. So I rephrase, “are you happy with us?” Looking deep in thought, he replies, “No”. Now this answer has me sitting up straight, “what do you mean no?” He says “well I’m not happy with us.” We are supposed to be in our honeymoon phase, how can things have gone so wrong already. He looks at me, straight faced and says “I would prefer it if we got dinner earlier so we can go to bed earlier and well you know.” Wow, I did not know how to reply to this, there’s me heart in my mouth thinking everything is over and he is considering his stomach and bending me like a pretzel.